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19.11.2014

19.11.2104

When you see someone all you see is ‚blank‘.

You might think there pretty or ugly, skinny, fat, tall, short, doesn’t matter. But all I see when I see myself…is someone I don’t want to be.
I’ve seen this person for a very long time and I screw up every time I try to change myself.
Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself, and I struggle every time I try to do that.

Because all you see is the body and figure and face.
There is no looking into the brain or even guessing, because everyone is WRONG.
There are so many people in this universe, I even believe beyond that. So why me?
Why would I risk getting a heart attack or not having children just to be skinny.
Why would I throw away everything people tell me to eat in the next room?

There are so many people who have bigger problems and I really can’t imagine what set this thought in my mind.

If I had to describe it I would say that it’s a demon.
I hear voices telling me to eat and not to. I cry every night because I can feel the fat on my tummy when I lay on my side.
I don’t fit into my jeans anymore. It’s awful just terrible. Knowing that that bit of fat sits on your body and just doesn’t go away. The fat that makes you ugly and just FAT. And still I eat. Why? I really don’t know.

I guess I’m just a girl that really has no self control.
Because that’s all it is, two words 11 letters.
Self control.

Hight: 162 cm
Weight : 51,6kg
Ate about 1000-1500 calories.
Burned off 1013 calories (why so weak?)

I’m so hungry. All the time. It fuckes up my mind

16.12.14 18:36
 
Letzte Einträge: 23.11.2014


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